Things I never thought I would do 191: a national cross country event. But on a glorious spring day in February 2022 I found myself standing at the bottom of Parliament hill, one of over 1000 women signed up to run the 'National' cross country. It was the third Saturday in a row of 'questioning my life choices' having done Heaton XC the week before in atrocious conditions, and then Anglezarke Amble the week before that. My legs were still pretty wrecked despite a week of barely training but work had been fairly all consuming and keeping my head above the tide was enough energy. So I jumped on a train to London to see my sister who kindly agreed to put me up for the night despite being on crutches herself (another source of stress). I had entered very close to the deadline, mostly as an excuse to see Lucy and we had spent the morning at London fields and the nearby cafes ( I was impressed how far she was getting around with only one working leg).
On arriving in the vicinity of the event the local roads were bedlam but I think that was just because everywhere was double parked mostly with residents, this being posh Hampstead region. It was simply a case of follow the runners to the main area where clubs had set their tents up. Some what unreassuringly, the ground up to the tents was already churned up and soft. The majority of the club had come down together on the coach so I already felt a bit of an outsider. Soon it was time for layers off and Ann and I ran down to the start. I immediately felt breathless. Warming up, I felt I wasn't getting going and the breathless feeling just stayed and stayed. I ignored it and hoped it would pass. Standing on the start line I felt very old as much younger slimmer women in tiny shorts filled in the large pen in front of the lido at the bottom of the iconic hill. Everyone was very anxious and excited to judge the atmosphere.
And then the gun went and we were all heading up the hill. Initially it was so quiet and we all surged forward, some fast and others more like me at the back. The ground was soft but at this point there was still some grass on it but it didn't last long. Soon we hit the wall of noise as we passed through the supporter tents on each side of the course. I was struggling on this first hill, my heart rate and breathing feeling completely uncomfortable and soon Ann had passed me on the very muddy section. I really should be able to beat Ann on the muddy hilly terrain but I was slipping rapidly down through the pack and the deep mud seemed to such me in. There was chaos as we headed over a muddy puddle with tree routes in it, and a fair bit of squealing. and then it was up and across more muddy sections.
I must confess, I hadn't really understood the route. I am terrible for this in cross country as I know I never have to worry about it, just following the people in front. I knew we had a medium route and a long route but I wasn't entirely sure in which order, and had no idea what that actually meant. It would be about 5 miles and that was good enough for me. But in that race I felt I was barely walking at times the mud was so deep. My hamstrings were tight too, and so I was shuffling. Then Sue came past me and I was properly miserable.
There were some lovely views over London but I didn't really have time to enjoy them and as we came round the corner and I realised we were about to start the second lap and only about 2 miles in I twiggd that was the shorter lap. I took a little walk up the steep section of the hill between the tents and felt like a complete failure. On the horrible muddy descent on the otherside my hamstring went in to cramp and I was acutely aware that one slip with a cramped muscle and I was sitting on the injury bench for a while.... The fastest girls were doing a loop on the inside of the course, the opposite way to us and I figured we must do a lap with a loopy middle as the long lap, and I prayed for better ground. Of to the side of the course, a girl was being tended by a very worried lookin marshal.
It was a while before my prayers were answered but actually as the cramp when, my right hamstring and left anterior shin started to loosen and I was able to get going again. I felt a bit less breathless too and suddenly I was starting to catch up a few people rather than just get constantly over taken (women twice my age but I try to ignore this). And then we hit what i think must have been the top of the heath and suddenly we were on some better ground and I could kick a bit. We dodged through a lovely tree bit which i imagine is near the top of the heath but in reality have no idea. Lots of locals were very confused about why all these crazy women were running in their dog walking park. In amongst the tree, another woman was sitting off the course awaiting first aid attention. This section felt more like enjoyable running though it was pretty brief.
Back on the slick grass, and now on the reverse section I had seen the faster girls on earlier, I saw the worried marshal had been joined by an ambulance which did not bode well. That section had been particularly unpleasant, mid shin deep in mud and awkwardly cambered. Even the reverse was slick, and I tried grimly to push over the undulating and slippy ground. I sensed we must be getting close and looked at my watch to see it tick over to 4 miles. Around the course support had been potted, but the chaps from Chorlton had come out to wave and cheer at various points. There were also cameras so I tried to keep looking like a runner. The photos later mostly show a hippo in shorts wallowing patheticlly in the mud.
As I rounded a corner near the end, I just heard my sister call out 'Go Hannah' and caught a glimpse of her and her partner Henry cheering from the footpath she had managed to hobble up to. I kicked down hill to the end and the long slippy muddy finishing straight.
I saw Sue had finished a good minute or two ahead of me, and was politely waiting for me. I handed in my ankle chip and put on a brave face for a very bad performance. I felt shit about myself: overweight, kidding myself I am training, and just too greedy for my own good. But you can't say that can you? So I nodded that it was a tough course and tried not to cry. It was a nice diversion to catch sight if a friend from medical school I hadn't seen in a few years and have an excuse to duck the rest of the girls celebrating their success. Then I chucked on a jacket and made my excuses about going to find my sister and her crutches.
I was so grateful to Lucy and Henry for coming out to watch that I tried to be positive for them too. And we went on to have a lovely rest of the afternoon, away from the cross country. But it wasn't really how I wanted to end my cross country season, or start my fell racing season. Another disappointing performance. Looking at my training diary, erratic doesn't even cover it, and a lot of my fast sessions simply haven't been fast (or with enough effort) enough. I am lying to myself about my level of training but also about my eating which has been a disaster. Lots to reflect on, and hopefully improve.
Would I recommend the event though? Absolutely! There are people a lot slower than me running and its a fantastic experience to run with that many people on the start, including Olympians. I recommend being brave enough to try it, and suspect I will end up doing it again next year when it is hosted Midlands or Northerns, and definitely when it comes back to London. I also want to visit Hampstead Heath for a nice summer walk too....with less mud
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